Friday, January 2, 2015

The Dark, chapter one

So this is a page-a-day novel that I'm writing this year, and these are the two-ish pages that I have completed so far. This is the first chapter. (For some reason my blog doesn't leave my format so it looks kind of ugh)

Chapter one
The house wasn't the same for her anymore. Its halls, once seeming so comfortable and radiant, now were confining, dark, and drafty. Ever since her father had disappeared three weeks ago, she hadn't been able to bring herself to enter his study, once the hub of her and her siblings' fun, as it was always full of little treat boxes that their father had brought back from his travels abroad, as well as all the puzzles, games, and toys that she or her brothers desired. The study, where her father had last been seen, was now regarded by herself and her peers as off-limits, though whether because it was hallowed or haunted, nobody could quite tell. She pushed open the door to her bedchamber to find her three step-brothers lying sprawled on her floor.
“Oy, Maria! Glad to see you're finally back! Did you bring us something from Wingate?” Maria's stomach churned. Her brothers had teased her ever since she was young, but, lately, ever since the man of the house (the boys' step-father, her father), had gone, their jokes had taken on a different tone. Even as she thought this, the oldest of the boys, Stephen, reached up a hand and pulled her to the floor. She hit hard on her tailbone, and the basket she had been carrying, filled with apples from one of their mansion's many orchards, tipped on its side, spilling its contents all over the floor.
“Leave me alone, Stephen.” Maria tried to walk away, but Stephen wouldn't let go. He let her stand up, then twisted his grip on her ankle so that she fell again, this time right into the lap of Harold, the youngest of the three. He wrapped his arms around her and proclaimed,
“Look what I have here, boys! Lookie what I got!” Johnny and Stephen immediately threw themselves onto Harold, half-jokingly trying to get Maria away from him. She wriggled out of the heap and onto her bed.
“You're all drunk!” She yelled. “You've been at dad's liquor, haven't you. You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Leave me alone!” Johnny looked up at her, his eyes bleary under the alcoholic mask.
“Now, I was agreeing with you right up until that last sentence. You shouldn't have said that last sentence, Maria. Now I'm going to getcha!” Johnny leaped up onto her bed, missed landing on Maria by about three feet, which gave her the time to jump off her bed, slide out the door, and lock it behind her. She stood with her back to the locked door for a second or two before bolting to the study. The one place they would never look for her. She slammed the door open and stepped into the room. As she eased the door shut, she decided that the room looked just like it did when Maria's father was around, except that the one thing her father never allowed the children to touch – his wardrobe from Saudi Arabia – was open. Unable to resist her curiosity, Maria peeked inside. What she saw made her step back. A huge void, filled with nothingness, no light, no dust, no anything, lay where the back of the wardrobe should have been. Maria reached her hand forward and it went past the ends of the walls of the wardrobe, into this void, and she could feel a gentle force, like a vacuum turned on low, pulling at her hand, trying to get her to come in farther, come closer, closer, closer. Maria leaned forward a bit more, and suddenly, a small set of jaws, like that of a snake but with lots more teeth snapped shut just below her hand. The spell was broken, as if the vacuum had been shut off, and Maria, too terrified to speak, crawled out of the wardrobe, clicking the doors shut behind her. She sat against the wall, crying silently, scared enough to want to talk to her brothers, but smart enough to know that that would put her in a much worse spot than she already was. Wait... her brothers. Surely, Maria thought, this is just some elaborate joke contrived by those evil, devilish things. She slid up the wall until she was in a standing position.
“All right, good joke, boys. You can come out now!” She crept towards the door to the hallway. “I suspect you think you're smart, don't you? But I've got you figured out. So ha! You can... come out now... boys?” Her hand on the door, Maria heard a noise from behind her. A sort of bestial growl. She turned, slowly, expecting to see one of her brothers standing a few feet from her. Instead, she saw a huge beast, part man, part bull, standing across the room from her. Maria's spine tingled in fear and anticipation, and she felt dread burning in her gut like acid.
The minotaur took a step towards Maria, and only then did she notice the large stick he held in his hand. He spun towards the outside wall of the study and smashed his stick through it, letting in cold air and a darkness that seemed to want to swallow the room.
The beast turned to Maria, wind from outside bringing its horrific stench to her nose.

“Your father sends his regards.” it said, leaping out the window and into the darkness.

The Technologically Impaired files: part 1.

So, I'm on tumblr (If anyone reads this and you have one, too, follow thedramagirl99), and one of my tumblr followers (you know who you are and you are awesome, my friend) asked me if this name is a pseudonym. Because I am too technologically impaired to reply to her reply to my tumblr post, I want to take this opportunity to state that Martha Kinsfield is a pseudonym that I came up with a couple years ago. This is the only way I could think of to contact said tumblr follower as I am so (you guessed it) technologically impaired.

I Am Number Four movie critique.

Sooo here's the thing: I recently became obsessed with the "I am Number Four" books. They are, in my view, excellent and well worth reading, just in case you're curious, which you probably aren't. Anyway, I got the movie from my local library quite a while ago and just now got around to watching it. If you haven't read the books, STOP READING THIS NOW. If you have not watched the movie and would like to experience it for yourself, STOP READING THIS NOW. If neither of the above is true, please continue reading,

Before I truly begin, I should say that I like to think about movies that are based off of books in two ways: One, its relevance as an adaptation of said book, and two, its appeal to me as a movie in and of itself. In the second respect, the movie would rank pretty high for me. It was decently made, with good quality actors and actresses (though the casting quality was very poor), and good CGI for the Pikens and the Chimaera. In the first respect, however, I felt that the film was somewhat (Or, okay, a great deal) lacking. 

I wrote down a lot (three pages) of the things that I remembered that had been left out of or added to the movie I am Number Four. I will go over the list in what I see as the order of importance. I'm not going to use numbering because that would just take way too long.

IF YOU NOTICE ANY FLAWS IN MY CRITIQUE PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN CORRECT THEM ASAP.

The most important thing I noticed was the timing of Henri's death. I don't have the book here in front of me as I write this, but I do distinctly recall Henri's death occurring very close to the end of the book, with him helping the teenagers fight the Mogadorians and definitely his being there when Six reveals herself. In the movie version, he dies on the trip home from the "They Walk Among Us" (which was, by the way, a website, NOT a newsletter/magazine/whatever) studio thingy. Also, I noticed that when the Loric die, they dissolve into ash, much like the Mogadorians, in the movie version. This is not supposed to happen! John has to cremate Henri after they stay in a hotel for a while while he recuperates, which also did not happen!

Basically the entire ending seemed kind of screwy. The battle with the Mogs only lasted like twenty minutes, while it at least seems like it lasts much longer in the book. Remember that thing when John was battling the Mog where they were transported to that place where the trees died and John used his legacies? Didn't happen. Also: They made it so that six is the one resistant to fire. WHAT????

John already knew about Legacies in the book, right? He knew about his super-speed and super-strength, right? I mean, I know he was shocked when his Lumen started working, but he evidently had no idea what the Garde were, or legacies, or any of it. Another issue I noticed regarding the legacies was that both John and Six seemed to possess a legacy that is very similar to that of flight, if it isn't actually flight. At least, they seem to be able to jump superhumanly far, which I do not recall being in the books. 

As my fellow blogger, BookTalk, puts it, 
"Sarah just wasn't what I pictured. I'm not sure how to describe how she looked, but something was off for me in her character. Also, she was supposed to be more popular in general. As for her personality, she should have been less mysterious and more outgoing, friendly, and open about her feelings." That is exactly how I feel about her character. I also feel like her relationship with Four was really underplayed.

Actually, let me revise that last sentence: I feel like everybody's relationship with (number) Four is really underplayed. Specifically Henri, Sarah, and Sam. But even Mark James was more involved with John than he was in the book. Henri's lack of relationship with John made it a lot less tragic when Henri died. They took out the majority of their relationship and basically portrayed Henri as a kind of mean, mainly oppressive, overprotective guardian, as opposed to the great man that John Smith saw him as. For one thing. all of the training sessions where Henri and John open the chest and examine its contents were eliminated, as well as when John was being trained to use and develop his legacies, including his RESISTANCE TO FIRE WHICH THEY GAVE TO SIX. I am sorry, but that REALLY REALLY BUGGED ME.

On the note of Six, I feel like she was way too cool/sexy for her character. In the books she is definitely slightly cool and mildly sexy, but in the movie, it gets really overplayed. I also missed the moonlight walk with Six where they almost kissed and the house exploded because that adds a lot of tension to the relationship that John has with Six and Sarah later on. 

Sam and John were supposed to bond a lot sooner than they did, because John was less popular and Sarah was more popular. Also. it really irritated me how not obsessed with aliens Sam was. I mean, that was the reason that they found "They Walk Among Us," in the book. 

Sarah and John as an item were incredibly underplayed. It's not like the details of their relationship was incredibly important to the plot or anything, but they were significant (and positive) things in John's life. For example, home economics was completely cut out of the storyline, which made me kind of sad. It's where they did most of their flirting, and it really gave S&J some background so it wasn't just like "oh hey there's this cute girl I like... oh, hey, she stalks me,., Oh, hey, we're making out. In front of her parents." It made their relationship mean more and feel less rushed and insignificant. 

Aand now for the list of incredibly minor details that are still niggling at the back or my brain.


Sarah's mom was the real estate agent for John and Henri, and they actually bought the house.

Sarah didn't get in trouble for her pictures; her and John met in Home Ec.

The dinner at Sarah's parents was all wrong; it wasn't supposed to occur until Thanksgiving, which is when Henri tracked down "They Walk Among Us."

John could not control his Lumen for a really long time, after a lot of training.

The Loric chests were completely underdone. John never even opened his to discover the planets, the healing stone (which is what was used to heal BK and himself), or any of it.

Bernie Kosar did have tags, that's how he got his name.

Sarah's scrapbook = what????

Six was SO not supposed to be in the movie as early as she was.

TWAU (They Walk Among Us) mentioned Mogadorians, it did not have a video of John.

When John first reveals the fact that he is an alien to Sam, Sam takes it as a joke. Then, later, he pulls a gun on John.

The Mogadorians never found the Loric or Sam in that one house. John carried them and jumped across the gap between roofs.

The Locator rock thing was not supposed to ever happen until like book 3. It wasn't even a rock; it was a tablet.

The police do not raid John's house

John was invited to the party with Sarah

The house caught on fire and J rescued S and some dogs from the fire.

The stuff in J and Sam's lockers was manure, not paint.

Sam didn't have a stepdad in the book

The fair didn't happen... it was a carnival with a hayride

Sam was supposed to ride the hayride with them

Sam's mom and Henri were supposed to meet.

Henri was supposed to have a French-ish accent

Sam and John were really good friends by the hayride

John and Sarah did not get their uber-special makeout moment together during which John told her that he was Loric

John's house was supposed to be a trashy mobile home. Not a fancy 2-story house.


And I'm sorry but I just have to rant again

 THEY DIDN'T GIVE JOHN HIS CONTROL OF FIRE OR HIS FIREPROOF ABILITIES THEY GAVE THEM TO FREAKING SIX.

So yeah. If you read this far, you are truly amazing. If you didn't, oh, well, moron. ;)

Friday, September 19, 2014

I GOT MY BLOG BACK!!!

I AM DOING A HAPPY DANCE BECAUSE I WAS ABLE TO LOG IN TO MY BLOGGER!!!! I've been off for almost a year and I finally was un-stupid enough to see if my browser had (duh) saved my Marthakin password and (duh) it had! So YAY!! I have another blog but I don't use it nearly as much as I used to use this one.
     So! Lost of stuff has happened since October 13, 2013 (My last post, which was actually in the Art Room computer lab at my high school) I'm a Sophomore now, enrolled in three honors classes and one Junior-level class (Chemistry). Since that date I have had two boyfriends (Neither one lasted long but I still miss the first one [geesh it sounds like I'm talking about a dog. Sorry, James.]) I have a fanfiction.net account that makes me happy because people actually seem to enjoy my fanfic as it has about ten favorites (I know that's a tiny number but hush) and I have a tumblr! It's TheDramaGirl99. You guys should follow me. On Tumblr. Not in real life. But I mean if you're an attractive single male in your mid-teens, in real life is okay, too! (Just kidding... maybe...)
    I am reading The Maze Runner right now. SO GOOD. If you've read it, please please please don't spoil it because you wouldn't like me if I was angry.... My best guy friend who is a Freshman at my high school made me read the Song of Dragons trilogy and that was also kind of amazing.
   My (15th) birthday is coming up and I'm hoping to have a few of my gal friends over for a movie watching Night of Epic Proportions but I have to clean my room first.  :'( I'm in another high school play! This is my third one! It's called No Signs of Intelligent Life and my English teacher wrote it. It is super funny and my character (an alien posing as a substitute teacher) can breathe out her butt which is kind of like okaaayy, Starchman.... and is also kind of like LMFAO. I'm also in a (really really dark) community theater production that goes up two weeks from today and that everybody is terrible at so far. I should really be doing my Algebra II honors stuff right now but I don't feel like it.         I also saw today that my blog has 606 pageviews. DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME??? No. You don't. Just kidding, you're all probably much better than me and your blogs probably have waaay more than 606 pageviews. ANYWAY.  I have a couple other blogs that are for my classes, but those aren't fun like this one is
   I WILL POST MORE BUT I HAVE TO GO NOW
    THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH
      Marty :)
 

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

High School

Oh my gosh I love high school! it is SO FUN! This is my Freshman year and I thought I wouldn't be able to go to the high school but I can and I am so happy! I have a lot of friends and everybody's really nice to me!
Just had to share.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Verbal catch-up

So. Let's see. I need to catch people up on my life. I'll start in March, I guess. I went to Local Presentation Day with our 4-H group and then proceeded to Regionals and on the twenty-fifth of May I'll be going out to Davis for state. I am doing an interpretive reading from Old Possum's Book Of Practical Cats (The poems behind the musical Cats), So I am very happy about that.
         I am now Secretary for our 4-H club which is a mixed bag... mostly a blessing. Also I joined my 4-H Relay For Life team (if you should happen to want to support me with a donation you can google Mariposa Relay For Life.... I'm not sure where to go from there. :) ) Relay is from the 18-19 of May and I am working really hard on some crafts for that which I will be selling there... things like totebags and water-bottle holders and purses and stuff.
         I have read lots of books since my last update (some are re-reads....) like Dear Julia (Book review on that later) Zia, Connie Carl At Rainbow Ranch (A better book than it sounds like) and some others. I FOUND MY CAMERA. And I am just so happy. I also found my knife that I got on Christmas and lost THE DAY AFTER. I went to an MCHS concert with JUST MY COUSIN (which was kind of nerve racking at first but turned out just fine) I am reallly into cooking (not, like, french-chef into it but like I will cook [especially bake] whenever I can and I love it,)  I have MORE COOKBOOKS THAN MY MOM (And since I am 13 and she is 38 I am very excited about that),
    We have ducklings (photos oncoming; there are also some on my facebook)  and they are SO CUTE.
 I really like writing short stories (if I come up with some that are good enough I will maaybe post them on my blog -- maybe I'll even start a new blog just for my stories.)
  I recently went on a really incredible trip to the MVTF (Military VBehicle Technology Foundation) armored vehicle museum in Palo Alto. It was great fun. Photos in my photograph catch-up.

    I discovered my new favorite music videos of all time..... Mean by Taylor Swift and Clown Shark by Rhett and Link (my AMAZING favorite internetainment people). Here they are....



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBALsWwxPf0 (This one is mostly funny+a little terrifying)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYa1eI1hpDE (And this one is just plain touching)


 Thanks for reading!!!!

Martha K.
  


The storm

for the past three hours or so it has been non-stop thundering (sometimes like a semi-truck fell on the roof) and lightning-ing and windy and for the past hour or so it has been raining, Here are some pics... Now it's dumping buckets outside.... we really really needed this rain. Praise the Lord!!!

Lightning and our Flag Pole

Please forgive the towel on the fence... this is SERIOUSLY the lightning lighting this up. The sky was just as dark as tin the rest of the pictures.


  
Aaand my personal favorite.... this is in the same flash as the oen above that illuminated the entire sky.